#MusicAndMentalHealth: Give Yourself Permission

As this post goes up, I’m in all likelihood stretched out on a beach or in a hammock (the rainy season is starting in early this year) in Cahuita, Costa Rica.

I’ve been invited to stay with friend and fellow trombonist Gabe and her mom. We’ll take in Cahuita National Park, the Museo de Cacao, and local culture. I am incredibly excited; I’ve only spent a few hours in Costa Rica itself but I have a soft spot for the Caribbean and the Central American countries from my time on cruise ships.

Giving myself permission to buy a plane ticket and take time off from work and potential gigs was incredibly difficult. I knew the minute Gabe invited me that I would go, but I had to give myself all kinds of pep talks to actually make it happen. It’s so hard, as a freelance musician and a self-employed educator, to walk away from work during the regular season. It’s easier over winter holidays, when students are not in school and wanting a break, or in the summer when things are light anyway, but mid-May? C’mon! On top of that, how will my chops feel when I get back? What will I have lost, musically.

The answer? Nothing. Sure, it’ll take a few days to feel normal again, but in reality, I’ll have gained. My skills will not suffer in the long run for a week off. Years ago, I would panic at the idea of not playing for whatever period of time- a few days, a week, a month (ok, but to be real, I probably couldn’t go a month just yet :/). Eventually, I began to realize that time off is truly musically valuable. It gives your brain a chance to recuperate, incorporate old habits, and simmer on new experiences and ideas.

As for teaching and playing, taking a vacation is not going to mean I lose students or gigs. They will still all be there- because everyone understands the value of time away. I recently saw a claim that Americans work more days that medieval peasants. I laughed aloud- and then I sobbed a bit. I don’t even have a 9-to-5 job, but I do work in the ever-growing gig economy, which might grind even harder that the 40 hours a week crowd. We don’t have health insurance provided for us, after all, and our income depends on how hard we hustle.

So, giving myself permission to leave is hard. I’m getting better at it, though. And I give you permission to take a break, too.